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Raymond’s Reflections 11-7-2022

Looking back on your life can give you a sort of perspective on where you are in life now. If anything it will help you understand who you are deep inside. I think back to my earliest memories of family, life, and friends and see how much I craved to be loved and accepted. I think that’s pretty normal for children with siblings to compete for attention and love in the family.

I was the youngest of two boys in my family, my brother was 3 years my senior so he always got to do more than me at any given time due to his age. How I remember the situation between my brother and myself is that it wasn’t too bad till he hit his tweens and he became domineering and more distant. I couldn’t understand the change then, but of course, I understand now it is a part of growing up and trying to find one’s identity separate from the family.

My family was pretty run-of-the-mill lower middle class to middle class of the 1970s at that time. Dad was a food manager at a local Ihop at that time and mother worked at a local medical center as a receptionist. We were fortunate to have a maternal grandmother around to watch over us kids and help out around the house. Mother always was pretty much home when we kids were, Dad on the other hand worked odd hours and tend to spend many hours at a local bar called T.J.’s Alibi inn. We kids spent some time at that bar too off and on, in those days it wasn’t unheard of and mostly accepted.

We usually sat at a table drinking coke or playing the pinball machines etc, as dad and mom socialized. That wasn’t an everyday occurrence but it did happen off and on when we weren’t at the bowling alley during bowling league season. So needless to say, I didn’t see my dad as much as I may have liked, but then he always would do his duty of providing for the family. I was not a social butterfly in my youth, in my early years I spent more time by myself living in my imagination and singing to myself. I loved Music from as far back as my memory serves me, loved to listen to music and sing just to sing. Also loved to write poetry and songs in my early years as well.

I do recall myself being a little stuck in a low self esteem mentality, feeling inadequate or not as good as my peers back then as well. I wasn’t a tough guy, or socially popular though I wasn’t a total reject of society either. Had a small group of friends back in elementary school on top of a few crushes on girls that turned out to be good friends.

Looking back on that part of my life only makes me want to give kids that age the advice of being happy with who they are and that every person is special and worthy. Be yourself and don’t give up if you don’t succeed, if you can’t do one thing try something else. There is always something you are good at and hopefully you can enjoy that something you do well.

Well until Next time Be good, Be true to yourself, and peace.

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